A very poignant, well-written piece - for so many of us who can't conform to the molds our fathers have designed for us. It was good to read that your father still had respect for you in spite of your differences. Unfortunately, Mine didn't. https://markvanlaeys.substack.com/p/im-sorry-i-was-wrong. "Father forgive them for they know not what they do" I believe applies to all of us - fathers , mothers , and kids
Hind sight is a nasty concept when it comes to parenting. We can't beat ourselves up over it, but we sure can learn from it. What father isn't guilty of applying pressure to their kids, so that they'll be "happy just like we are?" I think part of the trick is admitting when we've been wrong .
My dad didn’t understand me either. I sort of had a meltdown on the way to a rabbit hunt when I was 9 where my crying embarrassed him because I was doing it in front of his hunting buddy. My younger brother had none of the objections to hunting that I did, so Dad basically turned his attention solely on him going forward, then my youngest brother when he was born in addition. He just did not know what to do with this son who was totally unlike him in so many ways and was not at all interested in any of his interests. This led to mental snd physical abuse as I grew older, and for years I hated him for it.
I’m nearly 60 now and we both have mellowed over time. He still does not understand me in many ways, but respects that I’ve built a life on my own terms with some level of success. I also know I was a really difficult kid to deal with (ADD made my young life really difficult), so came to a point of forgiveness and moved on. 30 years of therapy has made all the difference in the world.
So much insight here for those of us who did not know you when. Following what the Father has for you can lead to many friends and family shaking their heads. You are on the right, difficult path and I for one am very proud of your journey.
A very poignant, well-written piece - for so many of us who can't conform to the molds our fathers have designed for us. It was good to read that your father still had respect for you in spite of your differences. Unfortunately, Mine didn't. https://markvanlaeys.substack.com/p/im-sorry-i-was-wrong. "Father forgive them for they know not what they do" I believe applies to all of us - fathers , mothers , and kids
A hard story.
Good grief, this article hits so close to home with my son and me.
Hind sight is a nasty concept when it comes to parenting. We can't beat ourselves up over it, but we sure can learn from it. What father isn't guilty of applying pressure to their kids, so that they'll be "happy just like we are?" I think part of the trick is admitting when we've been wrong .
My dad didn’t understand me either. I sort of had a meltdown on the way to a rabbit hunt when I was 9 where my crying embarrassed him because I was doing it in front of his hunting buddy. My younger brother had none of the objections to hunting that I did, so Dad basically turned his attention solely on him going forward, then my youngest brother when he was born in addition. He just did not know what to do with this son who was totally unlike him in so many ways and was not at all interested in any of his interests. This led to mental snd physical abuse as I grew older, and for years I hated him for it.
I’m nearly 60 now and we both have mellowed over time. He still does not understand me in many ways, but respects that I’ve built a life on my own terms with some level of success. I also know I was a really difficult kid to deal with (ADD made my young life really difficult), so came to a point of forgiveness and moved on. 30 years of therapy has made all the difference in the world.
So much insight here for those of us who did not know you when. Following what the Father has for you can lead to many friends and family shaking their heads. You are on the right, difficult path and I for one am very proud of your journey.
Thank you, Kevin!
Thank you!